i want to be a wannab

Its been a long time since i wrote my last blog so if the standards deteriorated even more my apologies. However its the content i will like 2 draw attention on. It was my birthday the day before yesterday and i was in Kolkata and some bash i had. It was not a traditional bash. No beers or babes but it was four school friends catching up with time and that to me is priceless.
Anyways coming to the point I reached B.I.T. on 24th feb still sulking about the fact that one of my best friends did not even wish me, i however had no idea about what was waiting. I went to the closest book shop to get all the books as my semesters were not even a week away and i saw a big crowd in front of hostel 7. A bit of inquiry acquainted me with the fact that a boy of second year had suicided. There was a faculty standing by me and he was contemplating on going to the spot. At last he said, "what if i get stuck myself?". Sick i thought but i was in for a lot more surprises. When i came back to the hostel i saw that the buzz had loudened in our local chat room and it was discussed in the same excited tone as is the relation between the KHANS. But the question i asked myself was "is it all the attention it deserves." There were speculation that it was because of a girl. That sickened me more...so much so that i did not even feel like staying and seeing where it lead to. I was trying to forget it and was relying on sleep the kindest of all nurses to heal me. When i woke up i was already late for class and all of this was out of my mind and i hurried to class. In class everything was normal and the incident had failed to live a trace behind. As with most cases we will never know why it happened and frankly we dont care partly because we can conveniently overlook it and partly so that we can keep the speculation going. It is acceptable till we dont suffer that seems the buzz word but what we have to realise is all of us have suffered just that some of us have been able to handle it.
This entire thing made me so sick that i locked myself up entire day not even caring to open the door even when my best friends knocked under the pretence that i was on the phone. What i was trying to think was what would force a second year boy 2 this drastic step and what about the people he left behind. What made that boy so selfish at that point. Whenever somone gets admitted to B.I.T. his parents have a lot of expectation from him what forced this boy into that moment of madness where he seemed to forget it all. At one point i realised even i was wildly speculating and gave it up and slept.
The next morning i woke up and heard there was a condolence and that is the time i decided to write this down. I try 2 portray myself as a guy who is devoid of all emotions, the epitome of coolness. My friends say i am a wannab. Today i would proudly say that yes i am a wanna b and at this moment i feel very proud that i am a wanna b not the person i wantd 2 b...
Alas!!I probably am the person i wantd to be thats why i can smoke my frustration out and at this moment i am writing a blog about it and will probably publicise it. All i can say is i want 2 remain the wanna b i was and not the person i have changed 2..